Saturday, 1 March 2014

Coming home early

So, the big confession is that I have not been doing okay for quite a while. I have finished work and I am returning to the UK in a couple of weeks. Putting together this post is difficult and frightening but I feel like I need to issue some sort of one-size-fits-all statement.

To recap: I moved schools this term, and my new one really was fantastic. There's nothing I would have changed about it and I am heartbroken to be leaving it. But I was pulled under by a major depressive episode and it became impossible to exist and do everyday things. I took a lot of time off school and in the end it was determined that it would be better that I go home.

This is really unfortunate, as I was just starting to feel settled. The past month has been one of the roughest I have ever gone through. It will take a while for me to feel like I can get on with my life again, but at least I am now taking steps towards that point. It's extremely hard to accept that here is neither the right time nor place for me. I need to be somewhere where I can focus on my health and on feeling like myself again.

In the end, it's impossible for me to regret the time I spent in this part of the world, even if I didn't exactly picture it ending like this. Not only does regret serve no purpose, but my time over here has featured places that honestly, I would have been amped to have visited even one of, as well as meeting a few extraordinary people. Also, being in this whole foreign situation for six months has made me learn some pretty valuable things about myself - a lot of which was not easy to confront - that I hope I can apply to whatever happens next.